Fury, I Shrunk the Kids
by MrsBeilschmidt3
Summary: Loki accidentally turns the Avengers into children and it's up to him and Fury to take care of them and figure out how to get them back to adult form.
1. Chapter 1

Loki's face was naturally pale. He was a Frost Giant, after all, it wasn't like he spent his time basking in the sunlight. But Nick Fury knew something was wrong when the Jotun's face was almost _literally_ white. Though they had once been enemies, he and Loki were on somewhat friendly terms now. But today he drew in a sharp breath and demanded, "Loki, what did you do?"

"Well, I, uh-"

They were in the main headquarters of SHIELD, where Loki's brother Thor, along with Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton, Tony Stark, and Bruce Banner _should_ have been. Now they were nowhere in sight. _"Where_ are the Avengers?" Fury's tone was not pleasant.

"Well, you see, ah-"

"Loki!" a small voice interrupted. A golden-haired child ran to the Frost Giant and wrapped his arms around his leg. When Fury realized who the child was, his jaw dropped.

It took a moment for Fury to find his voice. Loki gave a nervous "ehehehe" chuckle, and Fury asked slowly, "Laufeyson? Would you care to explain why your brother is a child?"

Loki was just about to try and explain as best he could when they heard singing from down the hall. It was a little boy, without much musical talent, from what they could gather, but he sang proudly- and _loudly-_ nonetheless. "A-MEEE-wica, Amewica, God SHED His Gwace on theeee-"

Fury had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He had a dire suspicious that he knew who the child was. "Don't tell me… that's Rogers."

Loki grew dark red now. "Maybe…" he croaked, feeling his palms sweat.

"Loki, play!" Thor was jumping up and down now, sucking on his hammer. Mjolnir was a little heavier for him now that he was in child form, but he still managed. He was worthy, after all.

"Not now, brother, go play with your friends, all right?" This was weird. Loki remembered similar conversations long ago, but the roles were reversed. Now he was having to learn to be the "big brother". Thor stuck his lower lip out in a pout, but obeyed and ran off.

Now Fury was at his wit's end. _"Friends?"_ he growled. "As in, plural? As in, they're _all_ children?!"

Loki winced and ran his fingers through his hair. "You see, Barton wanted to see a spell, and I might have accidentally turned them all into children, and now I'm trying my hardest to figure out-"

"Wait, wait wait." Fury held up a hand. This was getting to be too much to bear. "You don't _know_ how to turn them back?"

Loki fidgeted nervously as he heard the de-aged Avengers clamoring in the hall, discussing their favorite cartoons. This was not his day. "You see, sir, I don't know how I turned them into little ones in the first place."

Fury threw up his hands in frustration. "You're supposed to be an expert on magic!"

Loki gave his signature "Ehehehe" laugh again. "You're never too old to learn, right sir?"

This had to be a dream. It was too ridiculous to be real. There was no _way_ that earth's mightiest heroes were all about six years old now. Before Fury even had a chance to respond, however, a very young Bruce Banner entered the room crying. His pants were wet and a voice that probably belonged to kid Stark was laughing. "I had an accident," he whispered, and Fury sunk down into a chair, holding his temple. It _was_ real.


	2. Chapter 2

Fury bit back a thousand cuss words, reminding himself there were kids in this hall- thanks to Loki. After giving Thor a lecture about germs and explaining how unsanitary it was to suck on his hammer, and helping Bruce into some clean pants, Fury followed Loki tentatively into the little room where the Jotun had collected the children.

Clint was playing with a plastic bow and suction cup arrows, claiming he was "playing Cupid" and hoping to hit Natasha, who looked very confused through everything. Thor was in a wrestling match with Tony, Steve was playing with a Frisbee, and Bruce was reading a science book far above his expected reading level at his age.

"All right, kids, let's figure out how to turn you into adults!" Loki declared.

Clint shook his head and started to reach a red crayon to the wall. "I don't wanna be a 'dult!" he argued stubbornly, and was just about to color on the wall when Fury scooped him up with one strong arm. He looked down at Natasha, whose little brow was furrowed into a perplexed frown.

"What's wrong, Natasha?" he queried softly, but the little red-haired girl just cocked her head in confusion. "Are you all right?" She did not answer in English, but instead murmured a couple words in… Russian.

"Of course!" Fury groaned and put down a squirming Clint. "She would still have lived in Russia at that age- she doesn't understand English? Loki-"

"Sorry, Director, but I haven't the slightest clue," the alien prince replied, knowing exactly what the director of SHIELD was going to ask him. "I speak Asgardian, Jotun, Norse, English, and Bulgarian, but not Russian."

Fury raised the brow of his one eye. "Bulgarian?"

Loki looked sheepishly at his feet. "Let's just say that when all of you battled my army, that wasn't the first time I invaded your planet."

"Ah." Fury could make further inquiries into the subject, but he didn't really want to know. He simply sighed and looked down at the six-year-old Black Widow, who was saying something in Russian, her tone very frustrated and eyes on the verge of tears. "I'm sorry, I just don't understand you." This was great. There was apparently a language barrier.

Just then they were interrupted by the sound of Steve crying. Loki turned to the little blonde child and wiped his tears with his thumbs. "What's wrong, little guy?" he asked, getting down on his knees and putting a hand on the little Avenger's shoulder.

"T-t-tony took m-my flag," Steve sobbed, clutching at Loki's shirt with most little hands. Loki sighed, forgetting that apparently the child Rogers was not nearly as brave and strong as the adult, post-Super-Soldier-serum one.

Loki turned to a much younger Tony Stark, seeing him without a goatee for the first time in his life. The boy was running around waving a little American flag behind him like it was a banner or a superhero's cape. "Tony, did you take Steve's flag?" he demanded, frowning sternly. For the first time, Loki was understanding why it was annoying to deal with mischief makers. What his poor family went through in the past.

"Yeah, so?" Tony crossed his arms over his chest. "What are you gonna do about it?"

"Don't speak to me like that, boy." Loki was almost frightened by his tone- he was almost sounding like Odin! He held out his hand and tapped his foot, waiting for Tony to hand back the flag. But he simply ran off, laughing. Cursing under his breath in some long-dead Nordic tongue, Loki took off after the Stark child and scooped him up by the ankles, snatching the flag from his hand.

Loki set Tony back down upright and handed the flag, which was apparently Steve's toy, back to said child, who sniffled and thanked him heartily, happy now that he had "Flaggy" back. Loki glared in Tony's direction. "Now, apologize to Steve."

"Why?" Tony demanded, and Loki, frightening himself with just how much he was feeling like his adoptive father, thought that the child needed a good spanking. "Because you took something from him," he responded gruffly, "and you are being a little brat."

"I am Tony Stark."

"And I'm Loki of Asgard! Now apologize." Tony shuffled his feet and grumbled a half-hearted apology to Steve, who was so happy to have Flaggy back that he wasn't even angry.

"Blini?" Loki and Fury turned to Natasha, who was looking up at them hopefully. "Blini," she repeated, and Fury sighed. "Keep them entertained while I Google 'blini'," he told Loki, who nodded miserably. Fury exited the room, closing the door behind him, and Loki sunk down with his back against it, head in his hands. He peeked from between his fingers to see Clint coloring on the wall.

"What have I done?" he moaned, as the full weight of six child Avengers settled itself on his shoulders.


	3. Chapter 3

They had brought the kids to Steve's apartment, and now six little Avengers sat in front of the TV watching _Spongebob Squarepants._ Fury discovered that _blini_ was a Russian pancake, and since Natasha stubbornly refused to eat anything else, apparently he'd have to try and make some. Meanwhile, Thor made a dent in the floor with Mjolnir, but neither Fur nor Loki was worthy to take it from him (stupid divine magic). To top it all off, Clint could apparently mimic Spongebob's laugh perfectly, and he seemed to take great joy in doing so nonstop.

"All right kids, time for supper!" Fury announced as the last episode finally came to an end. He had made his best attempt at Natasha's favorite dish and hoped it would satisfy her, because she didn't seem to trust American food.

Fury and Loki sat the children around the table and served _blini,_ along with Spaghetti-O's for the boys. Steve had trouble reaching the table and accidentally spilled his juice, getting it all over his lap and making him cry. While Loki was busy consoling him and cleaning up the mess, Fury found a couple of thick books for the little boy to sit on. While that was going on, Tony and Bruce got into a fight over a cookie when there were about twenty-four, and the adults were both just thankful that Bruce couldn't currently turn into the Hulk. Clint did his Spongebob laugh all the while.

But at least Natasha was happy with her _blini._

"So," said Loki when supper was done, clapping his hands together enthusiastically, "who wants to have their bath first?"

All six children immediately took off running.

Fury shook his head as he and Loki began the chase. It took forever to get them rounded up, especially Tony, who was the instigator behind bad behavior, but at last Loki scooped Clint up by the ankles and headed to the bathroom, filling the tub with water and children's bubble bath. "I'm a piwate of the Cawwie Bean!" Clint declared, sailing a little plastic boat through the foamy substance. Loki was thankful for the bubbles because he really didn't care to see anybody naked.

By the time they had gotten all six children bathed and in bed, Fury and Loki wanted to pass out themselves, but unfortunately, they knew that wasn't an option just yet.

"De-aging spell, where are you…?" Loki murmured, peering through a pair of reading glasses and thumbing through a book of magic from Odin's library. He was seeing spells to turn a man into a cat, spells to remove pond scum from a water surface, and even a gender-bending spell, but so far there was nothing on changing children into adults.

"Find it quick, would you, Laufeyson, I'm getting particularly sick of child Stark and child Barton," Fury sighed, slouching down on the sofa and flipping through muted channels until he got to a station playing football.

"Well, I'd have you know, Director, this is a very large book of spells and I'm relatively new to magic, considering I've only been studying it for eight-hundred years…"

"Oh, is that all?" Nick Fury rolled his eyes. "I know, Loki, just please hurry."

"Believe me, I'm _trying._ I used to think Thor was annoying as an _older_ brother- hah! At least then he didn't drop a spit-covered hammer on my toe." Fury winced, painful images coming up.

Loki spent another half hour reading, and Fury started to doze off but jolted away what Loki suddenly exclaimed, "Aha!" Fury jumped. "Sorry," the God of Mischief told him, "but I finally found it!"

"Oh, thank God!" Fury exclaimed, heaving a sigh of relief. "What does it say?"

Loki read off a list of ingredients to a potion and concluded, "Give some to each child and wait twenty-four hours…" His voice trailed off and Fury's eye widened, his patch also lifting in shock.

"Laufeyson, are you telling me that we have to spend a whole extra _day_ with them like that?!"

Loki frowned, his heart sinking. Another day of Barton's Spongebob laugh. "I'm afraid so, sir."


	4. Chapter 4

Another day. Loki groaned as he approached the bed where Steve, Clint, and Bruce slept. Natasha was passed out on the couch, and Tony and Thor were in sleeping bags on Steve's floor. He had made the potion, it wasn't that hard. Steve would be easy, and he was glad for at least _one_ good child. He poured a bit into the spoon and pushed it gently between the child's lips. Though asleep, Steve instinctively swallowed. He managed to get some down Clint, too, but he woke up Bruce when he accidentally stepped on a crack in the floor.

"What's that?" asked Bruce, wide-eyed as he investigated the potion.

"Er… medicine," Loki answered uncertainly.

Bruce's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "But I'm not sick."

"Yes, yes," sighed Loki, "but it's not _that_ kind of medicine. It's vitamins, essential for all children."

Dammit, even as a child Banner was too smart. "Vitamins do _not_ come in liquid."

Loki exhaled sharply through his nose in frustration. "Since when are you a pharmacist, boy?" he huffed, sticking the spoon into Bruce's open mouth. The boy swallowed reluctantly and glared. Loki insisted, "This happens to be liquid vitamins, all right? Now go back to sleep?"

Bruce was silent for a moment, before tears threatened at the corners of his eyes. "But Loki… I had another accident." He lifted his corner of the blanket, and sure enough, the side of the bed was soaked. Loki held his forehead for a moment, wondering how many accidents the Banner child was going to have.

"It's all right, Bruce, let's get some clean sheets on here," Loki sighed, scooping up the child and finding some clean pajamas. He helped Bruce change, and then proceeded to gently pick up Clint and Steve, hoping he wouldn't wake them. He laid the three boys on the couch beside Natasha, feeding the potion to the remainder of the children before getting to work on the bedsheets.

At last he'd put on some clean sheets and got the boys back in bed, when he heard the soft noise of a child's sobbing. Almost on the verge of tears himself from tiredness, Loki came to the couch where he saw Natasha sitting up and crying. He sighed and walked over to the small girl, picking her up and laying down on the couch with her in her lap. "What's wrong, Tasha?" he asked quietly, trying to speak to her the way Thor did to him when he was a child.

" _Blini,"_ the child responded, and pointed to her stomach before crying again.

Loki stroked her hair and asked, "Did you eat too much? Does your tummy hurt?" Trying to translate for the Russian girl with body language, he held his own stomach and grimaced, then cocked his head to the side in a questioning manner.

" _Nyet."_ Natasha shook her head and her stomach grumbled. _"Blini,"_ she said again.

Oh dear, she wanted _more._ He supposed he understood her still being hungry; after all, she hadn't had as much as the boys since she would only eat Russian food and it wasn't like Loki or Fury had an abundance of _that._ "All right, darling, I'll get you more." Loki picked up Natasha with one arm and she held on to his neck tiredly, resting her little head against his shoulder.

Loki opened up the fridge and retrieved more _blini,_ sitting Natasha down at the table and waiting until she had finished her midnight snack. _"Spasibo,"_ she told him, which he figured meant "thank you". He nodded and took her back to the couch. Apparently the _blini_ satisfied her and she fell asleep on his chest. At least he could get a few hours of rest before the children woke up again.


	5. Chapter 5

The next day Loki and Fury took the kids to the zoo.

They thought it was a good idea at first. To tell the truth, Fury really wanted to kill time, because spending the whole day in the apartment while earth's mightiest heroes were still in six-year-old form would probably drive him insane, and made each hour go by with all the speed of a snail.

Unfortunately, they hadn't thought it out back then, and it was beginning to sink in as all six children ran off in different directions. "Taking them to the zoo" meant taking them to the zoo. The smells, the losing track of the kids amidst the crowds, the long lines in the heat- _(which will probably kill me,_ thought Loki)- the whole nine yards.

Tony, as it turned out, loved the train. Here he had elephants, giraffes, lions, zebras, dolphins, and snakes to look at, and still he wanted to ride the stupid train for the _millionth_ time that day. And so Fury sat miserably on the zoo train with a cheering Tony is his lap, chanting, "CHOO-CHOO! CHOO-CHOO!" over and over again.

To make matters worse, and even more humiliating, was that from the car behind him the voice of SHIELD agent Phil Coulson asked, "What are you doing on the zoo train, sir?"

Fury leaned his head back and glared at Coulson with his one dark eye. "Babysitting Stark, what about you?"

Coulson smiled and gestured to a young boy and girl with similar features to his own. "My wife's sick, so I took the kids here to keep them occupied and away from her."

Fury couldn't help but raise a brow. Coulson had a wife? Coulson had kids? To tell the truth, Fury hadn't ever really considered the notion of Phil Coulson having a life outside of SHIELD. In fact, it hadn't even occurred to him that Coulson could have, well… a _personality._ He sighed and turned his head back to Tony. "Hey, Stark! Don't run on the train!"

Marvel-Marvel-Marvel

Loki was ready to pass out. The children could never seem to agree on a single exhibit to visit, and he had been exposed to far more heat exhaustion than healthy for a Frost Giant. He thought he might literally melt, and actually had the brief image of being a puddle on the zoo walkway, stepped on by big boots and splashed in by little children. He shuddered and brought himself back to reality.

 _Just another day,_ he reminded himself as he led the kids to the lion exhibit, _and then they'll be back to their normal adult selves._ He almost missed the days when they were hovering intimidatingly over his battered body after he'd just taken a good smashing from the Hulk. At least then they were fully grown.

Of course, there was some he liked about them being little. They were hopelessly adorable, especially Steve and Natasha, and Loki was getting to experience what it was like to reverse his roles with Thor. He remembered Thor being this age once before, except at the time Loki was even younger and thought Thor was so impossibly big and wise. Now, seeing his older brother with his chubby little sun-flushed cheeks and big blue eyes, he had to admit that as a child, Thor was pretty darn cute.

Thor was also boisterous, though. When they were both children they stood in Odin's hall as the king told them all about his first battle against Jötunheim. "Do the Frost Giants still live, Father?" Loki asked timidly, while Thor was boasting that he'd slay them all (not knowing at the time, of course, that his little brother _was_ one).

Thor was always so daring. He was a loving and faithful big brother to the end, sure, but he also delighted in scaring the wits out of poor Loki. When they toured the zoological gardens at the palace in Asgard as children (yes, there were zoos in Asgard with lions and tigers and bears- oh my), Thor would creep up behind Loki while the younger child looked at the lions and scare him with a sudden roar. Now Loki was going to see if it could work the other way around.

Thor had his little face pressed up against the glass of the lions' habitat, completely engrossed in their jungle world. Loki tiptoed softly before shouting, "Rawr!" Thor calmly turned to face him. "Oh hi, Loki," he said with a friendly smile.

Loki sighed. "Hello, Thor," he replied, defeated. He couldn't wait until the Avengers were all adults again.

 **(A/N: Sorry to anyone who didn't understand the Russian words earlier in this fic, I forgot to translate them until one reader reminded me- thank you, BTW!(: - and so here's the translations: "Blini"- well, if you read this you'll know it's Russian pancakes XD. "Nyet"- no. "Spasibo"- thank you.) "Spasibo" for reading! (:**


	6. Chapter 6

After the zoo an exhausted Fury and Loki dragged themselves back into the apartment with six still-hyper kids, praying they'd want to sleep yet. It was only evening, they still had a while before the potion took effect. Loki collapsed onto the couch, worn out, but Clint jumped on his lap and demanded that he play "pirates" with him. Loki sighed and reluctantly surrendered to the will of energetic young Barton. "Run, Smee, run!" he shouted, and Loki would have to run around the living room in never-ending circles.

Fury served dinner, having learned that Natasha would eat cabbage soup as well. She was a strange child, he thought. When he was a child he'd take off running away at the word "cabbage" alone. Oh well, at least she was eating something besides _blini._ But cabbage soup was certainly not a hit with the boys.

"It's _leaves!"_ exclaimed Steve, who looked like he might be sick. Even Thor didn't dare take a spoon to his bowl.

"This cannot be healthy!" Banner insisted, crossing his little arms.

"I noticed you had no problem with pancakes soaked in butter and Aunt Jemima," Loki told him, "now eat."

"No way!" said Tony, standing up on his seat and holding his bowl up in the air. "I shall feed this to the pigs!" he declared in an English accent, and added, "I'm king of the world!"

Being a Stark was close enough, Fury thought, but remained silent and instead sat Tony back down and placed the bowl back in front of him. "Guys, guys," he sighed, trying another tactic, "Look at Tasha." He gestured toward the little Russian girl, who was now enjoying her second bowl. "It seems that the girl's the only one brave enough to try this stuff. Are you _men?"_

"No," Clint answered, "we're _boys."_ The others shouted their agreement.

Fury pinched the bridge of his nose. He needed a drink. He found something on the counter; he wasn't sure exactly what it was, but as long as it was alcohol he was happy. He downed it quickly and tried his final idea on how to convince the boys to eat their cabbage soup.

"Kids, we used to go through the same things, Loki and I. But eventually we learned to like cabbage soup. Loki, you like it don't you?"

"No," the God of Mischief replied.

Fury gave him a steely glare. "Well, I'm telling the truth!" Loki said in defense, holding up his hands.

Fury was losing his last nerve. "Fine time to be honest, Trickster God!"

Loki's eyes narrowed. "Look, Fury, I may have tried to overthrow my father, steal the Tesseract, and take over your planet, but I do _not_ lie to children."

He clapped his hands together and turned to the kids. Thor was looking at him pitifully, as if to say, "Brother, please protect me from the evils of cabbage soup." Loki was not a heartless brother. After all, Thor _had_ protected _him_ for the past thousand-and-something years. "All right, boys, let's get some Kraft mac 'n cheese made!" The boys cheered and Loki felt a small hand tugging at his sleeve. He looked down to see Natasha. "What is it, love?" he asked softly.

Natasha pointed to the leftover soup and then pointed to her stomach and opened her mouth wide. Loki laughed. "Yes, you can have the rest."

-Marvel-Marvel-Marvel-Marvel-Marvel-Marvel-Marvel-

Loki woke up the next day to find Natasha Romanov hovering over him, looking rather displeased. Except he couldn't be upset, because- oh, glory!- she was an _adult_ again! "Natasha," he said happily, throwing off his covers and standing up, "what can I do for you?"

"Would you care to explain why I woke up sleeping on the same couch as you, Laufeyson?" the Black Widow asked in response. Oh, sweet English!

"Well, you see, the fact of the matter is that-"

But Loki never got to finish his explanation, because just then Thor, back to his adult self, walked into the room, looking very confused. "I woke up on the floor," he said tiredly.

Loki's heart was soaring. "Where are the others?" he asked. The other Avengers entered one by one, Clint, Tony, Steve, and Bruce all adult as well. This couldn't have been a better morning.

"Well," he said loudly, not knowing Fury's exact whereabouts, "are you happy now, Director?"

"Not in the slightest," a small voice replied. A chill ran up Loki's spine. Was that-? He looked down and sure enough, there was Nick Fury, except in the form of a six-year-old boy.

"Well," Loki concluded miserably, "at least he has both eyes now."

THE END

 **(A/N: BTW, a reader noted remembering Loki speaking all tongues. If that's the case, then of course I made a mistake and he should understand Russian, but I guess it fit with the story, so anyway, I apologize for any inaccuracies.)**


End file.
